WHEN LOVE BRINGS FEAR

The way you looked at me, I would discover

When mother isn’t near, you would hover

I want to be a girl, not your lover

This is something you do with another

You were sitting on the edge of my bed

Moving even closer is when you said

“Never say anything you might regret,

We will keep this our little secret”

It was dark and I knew it wasn’t right

You on my bed, touching me at night

Night after night I cried and I prayed

That something would come to take me away

I wasn’t safe here, and for me to survive

I turned hard as rock … and cold as ice

I began not to feel … I withdrew into myself

I was so young …… I was only twelve

Now I’m 18 and I am a woman

You can’t touch me now ‘cause I am movin’

It feels so great to be free at last!!

And all of that pain … I’ll … just leave in the past!!

Everything is done just to perfection

I could pass the toughest inspection

Organizer and pencil are next to the phone

You know I’m not flawed … by the look of my home

Everything in place, bedspread exactly aligned

No sign of dust, I’ll shower just one more time

But I still feel dirty … and this I must hide

Afraid someone might know, how I feel inside

I have now lived to the age of 23

Should be a time of fun and plenty

I wonder if I should… I wonder if I can

Open myself to trusting a man

I was so glad that you had found me

But when I crossed over the invisible boundary

I got scared, and then I had to flee

Back to where I could feel safety

I still want your love but I am so afraid

My fear of men is the price I have paid

I’m afraid to love … because that is when …

It feels like my childhood, all over again

I have reached the age of 48

My wall of ice, it has no gate

So no one may enter any part;

My wall of ice ….. it is my heart

I’m now past 70, and I see all the madness

My wall with no gate, has only brought sadness

I gaze and reflect, with a sigh and a tear

Life is so painful ……when love brings fear.

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